It is no secret that iiF loves the short film “…Or Die”, (co-directed by Gregory Bonsignore and John Petaja) which won the Audience Award at the HBO South Asian Film Festival last year. In fact, we’re pretty sure our review is longer than the movie itself. Thankfully, that didn’t discourage writer and co-director Gregory Bonsignore from talking to us about the film.

Greg is one of the nicest and funniest guys you’re likely to meet (and I’ve only met him once!). He’s a fantastic writer with credits that include shows like “Lie to me”, “Three Rivers” and “Homeland” (where he’s a script coordinator). He’s also sold a few pilots, writing a new film for Hurwitz/Schlossberg and has a new musical he co-wrote opening in Sydney (Yeah, no big deal). Oh and he also wrote, directed and starred in the YOMYOMF web series “Squad 85“

Well “…Or Die” is an official selection of the Chicago South Asian Film Festival this weekend and we finally got around to talking Greg. What ensues below is a discussion of the real life events that inspired the movie, being a white guy working with Brown people and a hanging out with Mindy Kaling at a Virgin Megastore (Oh and a lot of tangents. But they are pertinent, I swear).

Gregory Bonsignore in “Squad 85”

iiF: So as you know, we loved “…Or Die” when we saw it last year. Our review is as long as the film itself. I recall you saying it was based on a true story. Can you elaborate on that?

Bonsignore: After “Outsourced”, “Funny or Die” wanted to do a piece with [Parvesh Cheena, Rizwan Manji and Guru Singh], and they came to me to help them organically plan out what the piece would be about.  So we drafted a few sketches that were specific to the South Asian experience, and a few that were just funny to us.

Then when we got on the call it was very much the, “yeah, yeah, yeah– those are some good ideas guys, but we were thinking like… you’d be Osama bin laden’s kids… or if like those people in — where is it… Libya?– like if he dies, then we get a camera and you and we throw something up.” So pretty much verbatim of the film.

And after that meeting, and the ensuing rape shower (Guru wears a lot of mascara, and it ruuuns), the three of them said “I guess we could do [their busted bullshit video]” because actors you see are an amazingly game people who are used to being handed pages for a ridiculous paper towel commercial where they’re a yeti and their wife is pouring Grape Juice on them, and told “Make this work.”

But I had the opposite reaction, explaining to them they didn’t have to do this and in fact (inspired no doubt by my friends’ play “Title of Show”, where they document the process itself) I suggested we just write up the earlier meeting and submit that as a funny skit.  So I did.  And they wrote a very kind note that “At this time we’re not interested…”  So we shot it, as therapy. (For more on Guru in the shower, see my Erotic Story Archive at Nifty.org/UnderTheTurban)

iiF:  Obviously, you’re not a brown person. But you made this film about a very specific and important issue facing Brown Actors. Besides the actual incident with “Funny Or Die”, what inspired you tackle these issues?

Bonsignore: This question comes up a lot after screenings, even when I wear brownface to the talkbacks to skirt the issue, well it’s not a skirt, more of a sari, but… and last time I was still residually high from an extremely strong lollipop the night before and went on for ten minutes about Sam Mendes directing “American Beauty” with the outsiders eye of a non-American, and how that gives you this interesting perspective of not being acclimated to the busted — but that day it sounded a lot more like me just saying “I’m basically Sam Mendes.”

I guess the fact is… an Athenian wrote “Trojan Women”.  A man wrote “Tootsie”.  A white guy wrote “The Cosby Show”.  A straight person wrote “Smash”.  People are never confused when I write cannibals or… tap dancers in the 30’s… but when there’s a little more melanin, suddenly the same people who want to assert our macro-similarities across race-boundaries are aghast and shocked how I could crawl into the skin of this orientalized painted man. (The lollipop may still have not completely worn off).

Also it’s not that “other” to me. Not only have Parv [Parvesh Cheena] and I been together for 3-4 years — so I see what he and the other 8 guys called for the same auditions go through… but I grew up in a brown house — my best friend, the place we went after school, were Pakistani. So I spent my childhood eating something stewed in sauce with flatbread, hearing “Chalo!” and knowing to hurry my ass to the car where the cassette player is blaring those same 3 tapes of playback singers.

iiF: Now you co-directed this film, but you’re actually a professional TV writer. Over the past several years, South Asians have been creeping into every television show into existence. In “…Or Die” you touch on the fact that most brown actors get forced into the stereotypical roles of doctor, terrorist, cab driver etc. But with programs like “The Mindy Project” and “New Girl”, it seems like there is progress. Where do you see this going and, as a TV writer, maybe you could shed some light about how and why this is happening.

Bonsignore: I’m obsessed with “The Mindy Project.”  It’s the only network show I watch.  Further, it was THE ONLY MOTHAFUCKIN’ new network comedy to return AT ALL this year.  That’s [more] success [than a] GAZILLION shows with white people who didn’t make it to pilot, or air, or a full season.  That’s progress.  To me we’re there, not just because she’s the lead of the show, but because it’s not “Outsourced” (an amazing feat in itself to get on NBC Thursday night for a whole year — with better ratings than anything on currently I might add… you’re welcome Riz)… but because it’s a girl who HAPPENS to be Indian leading your fucking show. And aside from her brother character, she has never really leaned into the Indian stuff, especially not the american TV norm of  “isn’t it amazing how this ethnic person is acclimating with American norms!?” She’s just specific and odd and wonderful and I’m pretty sure there’s a joke an episode that is written specifically for me.

And you’d be amazed how many people in this town say casually “She can’t really carry a show, she’s not a star” (euphemism for she’s not quite pretty/thin/white enough). But I can’t wait to show my daughter reruns of this show on Nick @ Night and her to see this odd, intelligent, funny, cute brown doctor and feel a little better about being a little weird, maybe a little thick, a little smart. I also had a meetcute with her a few years back when I was boycotting the American Office out of support for Wernham-Hogg, and didn’t know who she was until afterwards a friend pointed out who I was talking to at the Virgin Megastore (shows you how long ago it was) about our shared love for british TV shows on DVD (remember DVDs kids?) — and as such I can only assume I was the basis for the Danny Castellano character.

But, more to your point… It really isn’t the actor… there are tons of great South Asian actors obviously.  It’s the writer/studio/network.  I have been in a meeting with the network’s casting person about a pilot they bought from me, and they said “If you don’t specify, I’m gonna assume the character is white.”  THAT… that right there, go back and re-read it… THAT would be THE ENTIRE COCKBLOCKING problem in one sentence.

Writers have to write characters, but when it’s a NY taxi driver and it’s story/character dependent to be an immigrant — it’s prooobably gonna be a brown guy… but when it’s “Doug” and he’s the guy who moved in next door and loves dogs… there’s noooo reason that can’t be a brown guy or an Asian or black guy or Hispanic or native american, or in a wheelchair (dogs. love. the handicapped.)… but the network often decides (read: “Like every fucking time”)  that they need ONE diverse person, selects one to color in, and does a casting call for “Open ethnicity”, rather than just making EVERY character the best person for the role.  You maaay have had an argument when these groups were immigrant corridor historically and had an accent and a specific way of talking.  But it’s 2013, I know a Doug of every race, who speaks like Doug does.

Not to be entirely pessimistic, I think it CAN work. But you have to make it happen.  Mindy wrote herself a part…  I just did a pilot “Squad 85” for Justin Lin – who cared enough to embrace lots of actors of color, and then our brillllliant Casting Director Russell Scott (who does “Breaking Bad”, “Walking Dead”, etc) just brought in amazing people of all kinds who were the right tone and cadence and energy and look for the part, and our cast of rather new faces batted it outta the fucking park — and most of them are now on other series kicking ass, perhaps in part because they had a place to show how amazing they are.  And I hope that’s where we’re going.  We had extraordinary people in front of and behind the camera of all backgrounds, and they were amazing.  So they’ll go on to do more amazing work, and our wonderful world of color Carousel of Progress will keep spinning. And your TV will hopefully soon be truly “Presented in wonderful lifelike living color”.